Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
