I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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