i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
