when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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