I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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