Tell her she can't have a vagina
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
