too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
