If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
