we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
