mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
