3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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