Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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