I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
birth control should be required to get into college
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
