she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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