I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize