It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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