Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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