Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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