she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
