Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
