How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
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she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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