You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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