D3 body, D1 cock
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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