Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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