Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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