This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
