if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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