i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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