My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
