It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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