Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
