I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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