i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
