it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
