he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
