Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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