But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
