i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
