my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
