Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
