I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
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All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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