Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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