if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
