very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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