im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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