note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
