I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I need moral support for this bender
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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