Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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