I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
