I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
