Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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