you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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