he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
