i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
