Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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