moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
