Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
