is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
