After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Houston, we have a blender
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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