if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
