literally had 100 drinks last night.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
