we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
