I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
