Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You left your phone here
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