Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
