i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do vagina's smell?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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