K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
