Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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