I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
