wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
