is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
