I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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